Seeing that the day has already passed, it seems a little late to be writing a blog on Mother’s Day. However, not knowing exactly how I was going to get through this day this year, I thought it best to wait and write about it afterwards, which brings me to right now.

In the last few years, I never ever looked forward to Mother’s Day. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother and to have a special day to honor her is always nice. But for me, personally, it wasn’t a day I ever looked forward to.

As I’ve gotten older and my desire to have children and be a mom has increased, seeing a day that is designated to celebrate Mom’s just made me sad for something I didn’t already have.

This year was going to be different. When I found out in late February that I was pregnant, I was so excited that I was finally going to get to celebrate Mother’s Day. I would be about 15-16 weeks when the date rolled around. But as I soon learned, it wasn’t going to happen quite as I had originally envisioned. As many of you know, we had a miscarriage in April and lost our baby at 7 weeks and 1 day.

Up until the actual holiday day, I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to handle it. I found myself to be quite emotional in the days leading up to Mother’s Day. Just the thought of the day or the mention of the day would send me into uncontrollable tears. But, as I am still in mourning over our loss, it’s okay that I cry.

Every Mother’s Day in church, they always have all the moms stand to be recognized, to be prayed over or to be given flowers. When I arrived, I still hadn’t decided how I was going to react and if I was going to stand with the rest of the moms.

But then I realized something, that although my child isn’t physically present with me, it doesn’t diminish the truth that God did bless me and my husband with a child earlier this year. It doesn’t diminish the truth that we are still parents, even though our child is already in heaven. I have nothing to be ashamed of to stand proudly with the other moms and celebrate this day.

So I stood with the rest of them and accepted the prayer that was spoken over all the moms. Then our Pastor’s wife spoke about our sphere of influence. She told us that whether we have children or not, we are all aunts, sisters, leaders and friends. She said we need to look around us to those that we’re around at work, at home, at school, at church or wherever we may be and be a strong influence for those we encounter; to guide those around us, to show them God’s way and to be a light to the dark places around us.

I know that God is going to bless us with children again, when His timing is right. Until then, I’m going to take this lesson and do my best to influence those around me in a positive way. As a wise friend recently told me, I’m also going to let God be in the driver’s seat and give Him complete control over my life. By doing that, I can sit back and enjoy the ride!