Goodness of God

Do you ever get down in a rut and feel like everything around you is just harder than normal? That’s where I am right now. Everything just feels hard…marriage is hard; being a mom is hard; even my easy-going work place is suddenly just hard. It feels like nothing is going right, my schedule is all out of whack, and I can’t do anything right. For instance, the other day I got home, turned off the alarm (or so I thought), went to get my dog & the alarm sounded off. Rather LOUDLY, I might add! I got it turned off, but then had to call my husband to figure out how to clear it out so I could set it again and leave the house. Then, as I was told later, I forgot to actually lock the door when I left! Geez! Everything just feels hard, and nothing is going according to my normal schedule. And to top it off, I tried to fast last week and EPICALLY FAILED at that! I mean, I can’t even be a good Christian right now!!

EVERYTHING.

IS.

HARD.

BUT GOD.

GOD IS GOOD.

HE IS SO, SO GOOD!!!

In all the hard mess, I forgot the ONE THING, the EASIEST thing…give it to God (I believe I did say I was failing at being a good Christian.).

I went to my weekly bible study group this week…to my group of transparent Christian women who love me and accept me for who I am. When I needed a place to land and some new friends, they welcomed me with open arms. When I walked in this week, I was carrying the weight of feeling like a failure at all the things; feeling like as soon as I opened my mouth, I would be a puddle on the floor. But that feeling quickly faded as we took turns sharing about our week. When it was my turn to share, I told them how I’d been feeling and all the failure qualities going on in my life. They didn’t judge me or condemn me…they loved on me, they encouraged me, and they reminded me of God’s grace and mercy and unconditional love.

After sharing about our week, we took some time talking about different songs that have affected us in some way. Songs that helped us through hard times, through tough situations, or that just brought back good memories. I’ve been soaking in some good worship music since we met, and I wanted to share some excerpts from the different songs shared in the group.

For Kristina (Oceans, by Hillsong UNITED)

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

For Jennifer (Praise You in This Storm, by Casting Crowns)

And I’ll praise You in this storm

And I will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

And every tear I’ve cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm

For Mary Ann (Lord, I Need You, by Matt Maher)

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You

Every hour, I need You

My one defense, my righteousness

Oh God, how I need You

For Maddie (Same God, by Elevation Worship)

O God, my God, I need you

O God, my God, I need You now

How I need You now

O Rock, O Rock of ages

I’m standing on Your faithfulness

On Your faithfulness

For Kristel (How Great Thou Art, version by Carrie Underwood)

Oh Lord, my God

When I, in awesome wonder

Consider all the worlds Thy hands have made

I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder

Thy power throughout the universe displayed

Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee

How great Thou art, how great Thou art

Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee

How great Thou art, how great Thou art

For Stacia (In Jesus Name, by Katy Nichole)

I speak the name of Jesus over you

In your hurting, in your sorrow

I will ask my God to move

I speak the name ‘cause it’s all that I can do

In desperation, I’ll seek Heaven

And pray this for you

I pray for your healing

That circumstances would change

I pray that the fear inside would flee in Jesus name

I pray that a breakthrough would happen today

I pray miracles over your life in Jesus name, in Jesus name

For Shana (Great Are You Lord, by Casting Crowns)

You give life, You are love

You bring light to the darkness

You give hope, You restore

Every heart that is broken

Great are You, Lord

It’s Your breath in our lungs

So we pour out our praise

We pour out our praise

It’s Your breath in our lungs

So we pour our praise to You only

For Natali (Show Me Your Glory, by Third Day)

Show me Your Glory

Send down Your presence

I want to see Your face

Show me Your Glory

Majesty shines about You

I can’t go on without You, Lord

For Lacy (The Gift, by Garth Brooks)

Then a voice spoke to her through the darkness

Maria, what brings you to me

If the bird in the cage is your offering

Open the door, let me see

Though she trembled, she did as he asked her

And out of the cage the bird flew

Soaring into the rafters

On a wing that had healed good as new

Just then the midnight bells rang out

And the little bird started to sing

A song that no words could recapture

Whose beauty was fit for a king

Now Maria felt blessed just to listen

To that cascade of notes sweet and long

As her offering was lifted to heaven

By the very first nightingale’s song

And Me (Trust in You, by Lauren Daigle)

Letting go of every single dream

I lay each one at Your feet

Every moment of my wandering

Never changes what You see

I’ve tried to win this war, I confess

My hands are weary, I need Your rest

Mighty warrior, King of the fight

No matter what I face, You’re by my side

When You don’t move the mountains

I’m needing You to move

When You don’t part the waters

I wish I could walk through

When You don’t give the answers

As I cry out to You

I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You

And for anyone still reading this blog, I hope you heard the music as you read each song snippet and God spoke to you through the words. Sometimes just a small touch of God is all we need to get over the hump, to get through a rough patch, or to bring some joy into our day. Is there a song that you’ve clung to through a hard season or difficult time in your life? I’d love for you to share it with me.

Before I go, I want to leave you with one last song, the Goodness of God, by Elevation Worship. The day after my bible study, I listed to this on repeat and asked God to rain His goodness, His peace, His mercy and His grace over me. It’s already getting better. =)

I love you, Lord

For Your mercy never fails me

All my days, I’ve been held in Your hands

From the moment that I wake up

Until I lay my head

Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God

All my life You have been faithful

All my life You have been so, so good

With every breath that I am able

Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God

I love Your voice

You have led me through the fire

In the darkest night

You are close like no other

I’ve known You as a Father

I’ve known You as a Friend

And I have lived in the goodness of God

All my life You have been faithful

All my life You have been so, so good

With every breath that I am able

Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God

I Am an Israelite

One of my favorite stories in the Old Testament is the story of the journey of the Israelites through the wilderness. There’s so much of the story to tell of their 40-year journey that it stretches through FIVE books of the Bible (Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy & Joshua).

I am always amazed every time I read through their story. Amazed at all the miracles God did for them and also amazed at how rebellious they were despite all the great things God was doing for them their entire journey! I mean, Moses raised his staff to a sea of water and it not only parted, but it allowed two million…T-W-O M-I-L-L-I-O-N people to walk across the sea, on dry ground to get to the other side! How on earth does someone forget such an amazing miracle like that!?! (Exodus 14)

And yet, we do the same thing. We pray to God for something to happen in our lives—a new job, a husband, children, a cure, financial blessing—whatever it is that we desperately want to see changed in our lives. We pray to God, we seek His face, we read our Bible, and we pray some more. And because of the “always-in-a-hurry-fast-paced” society we live in, we expect God to move at that pace, too. And when His timing isn’t the same as ours, we complain that He doesn’t hear us, He doesn’t see us, or He doesn’t love us anymore!

Who do we sound like now? The Israelites.

I’ve always heard pastors tell the story of the Israelites or speakers share about it at women’s conferences. They always say how we’re not any different than the Israelites. We complain to God just like they did, when things don’t go our way or when God is taking longer to fulfill promises than we would like. And I’ve always sat and listened to those messages and thought to myself, “I’m not like the Israelites! Those people were so selfish! They started complaining the moment they left Egypt:

‘Our journey is too long. We’re hungry!‘

‘We’ve been walking in this desert for three days and we’re thirsty!‘

‘Why did you take us out of Egypt? We were slaves, but at least we had food and water!‘

‘Why did you bring us to the desert to die?’

I mean, seriously?!? Talk about the most ungrateful group of people!” (Exodus 15, 16, 17)

Then last week, I was at bible study giving a friend an encouraging word about a job. She shared with us how she needed to find a job and had some great interviews, but no one offered up the job to her afterward. So, I shared with her one of my job experiences. At the time, I was bored with the job I had, so I applied for a new job. It ended up being about a six-month process between resume submission, phone interviews, different tests I had to take and then the final interview. After the final interview, I received word that the employer had chosen to take a different path and that was that. I eventually moved on to a new job. Almost two years later, I was very unhappy in that job and was praying for God to move in my situation. He did. I got a call from the job I had previously interviewed with that had told me they “had chosen to take a different path.” They had an opening and needed to fill the spot quickly. They remembered me from when I was interviewed before and asked if I was still interested in the job. Needless to say, two weeks later I started my new job with them and I’m still there today. The point I was making to my bible study friend was that just because they’re not calling you now, doesn’t mean they won’t call you in the future. Hopefully for her sake, it doesn’t take two years, but an encouraging story nonetheless. So, after bible study I was driving home and thinking about that job story again. And I began to think through all the blessings God had given; the places where He met me in my weak moments, in my desperate moments, and in my tearful, heart-wrenching moments; God was there with me for every single one. And in every single one of those moments, I realized I had complained to God for not answering those prayers in MY TIME. I had received a blessing from Him, moved about my life, until the next time I began praying for something I wanted or a direction I wanted to take and when He didn’t answer me, I complained. I forgot all about the previous blessing and the miraculous power He used to make that “thing” I wanted a possibility.

And then it hit me…I AM AN ISRAELITE! I am just like them! Moaning and complaining when something isn’t going my way or I’m not getting what I want, when I want it and forgetting all about the things God has already done and given me in my life. Dang it! I am just like them!

God has blessed me over and over during different situations and hard seasons. How is it that I forget the amazing things He has done for me and my family? How do I let my faith sway and think He won’t bless me this time? God shows up each and every time I need Him or have something I want or need. He doesn’t fail me. He doesn’t forsake me. He doesn’t say, “Well, Kara, I gave you something last time you asked, you need to be satisfied with that and not ask for anything else. I need to bless other people also.” He doesn’t say that! Ever! There may be some spaces in time between His blessings, but it doesn’t mean He won’t bless me again! He is always faithful.

God is the immovable, unshakable, everlasting, promise-keeping, uncompromising, miracle-working God.

His promises never return void.

His love never ends.

His blessings never cease.

He is our Rock, our Fortress, our Deliverer, and our Strength.

Our trustworthy companion.

Our Comfort and our Peace.

God gives healing, freedom, victory, forgiveness, and eternal life.

I am an Israelite and so are you! May we soak in that truth, but also remember that God is always moving in the background and is “able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all we ask or think.” (Ephesians 3:20, NKJV)

Waiting on the Promise (Part 2)

Back in early October, the women’s ministry at my church hosted their annual Cherished Conference in Ruidoso, New Mexico. On Friday morning each year, different women are asked to teach breakout sessions about various topics. This year I was asked to teach one of the breakout sessions and the topic I was given was about God’s promises. This is a topic I’m very familiar with as it is something that I walked through for many years while I waited on God’s promise to me to be fulfilled.

I’d like to share my breakout session with you as a two-part blog. A few weeks ago I shared my personal testimony in Part 1. Today, I am sharing Part 2 of the session, which is offering encouragement and how to keep your faith strong during the waiting process.

Here is “Waiting on the Promise” Part 2…

God’s promises to us are different in so many ways yet are the same. There’s not a set time frame for one promise over another. The fulfilment of my promise took 17 years. Maybe yours take more; maybe it takes less. But when God gives you a promise, He will deliver it when He says it’s time.

Which brings me to the second part of the message: how to get through the waiting process. It’s not easy being patient and waiting on God to move. On our terms, He moves slower than a turtle stuck in molasses! But in God’s eyes, He’s not deliberately being slow because He sees everything! He sees the things that we cannot see. He could be saving us from greater heartache by delaying the promise until the timing is just perfect. We see the time as delayed, but He sees it as working all things together for our good. Our. Good.

I want to share with you some different ways to keep your faith strong during the waiting process.

There is no time limit or expiration date on the promise God has given you. If He says He’ll do something or give something to you, He will.

Hebrews 11:11 (NLT), “It was by faith that even Sarah was able to have a child, though she was barren and was too old. She believed that God would keep his promise.” And He did.

I don’t know if you kept up with the math during my testimony, but I was 46 years old when I had my son back in November. That’s quite a bit past normal child-bearing years these days. But just like God kept His promise to Sarah, He kept his promise to me! And whatever promise you wrote in the blank on the piece of paper I mentioned last week, know that He will deliver that promise to you, too! He knows the desires of your heart and will give them to you! (Psalms 20:4 & 37:4)

2. Find an outlet (something to do or something else to think about) when you feel your faith is being tested beyond what you think you can handle.

James 1:3 (NLT), “For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.”

For me, my outlet was writing. That’s the main reason I have this blog; so I can use it to write about my circumstances, feelings at certain times and general thoughts on the waiting process. For my husband, he found that serving God was a good outlet for him when times were difficult. Your outlet can be anything! Maybe you like to craft or exercise; maybe you like to cook or garden…maybe you just want to sit in God’s presence and listen to worship music. Sometimes it’s nice to just sit quietly in His presence.

Just remember that whatever you do to help pass your time, make sure it’s encouraging and positive!

3. Watch your words.

Proverbs 18:21 (MSG), “Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.”

Romans 4:17-18 (TPT), “That’s what the Scripture means when it says: ‘I have made you the father of many nations.’ He (Abraham) is our example and father, for in God’s presence he believed that God can raise the dead and call into being things that don’t even exist yet. Against all odds, when it looked hopeless, Abraham believed the promise and expected God to fulfill it…”

Speak only life to your dreams or what you’re waiting for. Don’t give in to negative speak or thoughts. I told you in my testimony when I didn’t do this very well. I let the negative thoughts take hold of me and they held me captive for quite a while. It’s okay to get angry and frustrated; we’re human and it’s going to happen. Just don’t live there! Be angry…for a time and then let it go! Find a friend that you trust to let you vent when you need to, but someone that can also encourage you and lift you up when you need it.

There was a time several years ago when I was very unhappy in my job. I worked for two men, one a VP and the other a COO. My VP boss was absolutely horrible! He would say the most hateful things to me and when he walked out, I would just cry at my desk. I couldn’t understand why God had me in such an awful place! I wanted to quit so bad! But I couldn’t because my husband had just lost his job, and this was our only source of income.

I was sharing my frustration with a friend, and she encouraged me to speak life into my job; to thank God for my job and to also thank Him for my next job. She even told me to speak that God would either move one or both of them or, move me. I have to say I didn’t truly believe that at first when I spoke it, but shortly after, the COO left the company! I couldn’t believe it! So, I really started speaking to it with purpose. Within the next six months, I had a call from a previous place I had interviewed with prior to taking the current job. It had been TWO YEARS since I interviewed with them, and they had an opening that needed to be filled quickly and they were curious if I was still interested. Y-E-S! Yes, I absolutely was still interested. I went in for another interview the next week, and two days after I was turning in my two-week resignation and started the new job. I just celebrated 10 years back in June.

Speak to your promise…God does hear you! And He does move!

4. Be content in your current circumstances.

Hebrews 10:35-36, “So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great rewards it brings you! Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.”

It’s hard to be content in your circumstances when you desperately want them to change, when you want to start experiencing the next season of life. But when you embrace your current season, you give God room to move.

I had to embrace my pre-baby season and one of the ways was to host baby showers for friends. At times, it was nearly impossible to put on my happy face for my friends…they were living the life I desperately wanted. But even in those hard times, God was there with me.

And the last way to keep your faith strong during the waiting process,

5. Pray.

Prayer is a very powerful tool and it’s always with you. You can pray anytime and anywhere! It’s always good to pray freely, but sometimes it’s easier to write out specific prayers, too.

I’ve used several different ways to write out prayers using scripture.

A. One way is to search the Bible for specific prayers that speak to you and/or your situation. I have a few scriptures that I love and would always pray during my waiting period:

Ephesians 3:20-21 NKJV, “Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.”

Same scripture in the Passion Translation: Ephesians 3:20-21 (TPT), “Never doubt God’s mighty power to work in you and accomplish all this. He will achieve infinitely more than your greatest request, your most unbelievable dream, and exceed your wildest imagination! He will outdo them all, for his miraculous power constantly energizes you. Now we offer up to God all the glorious praise that rises from every church in every generation through Jesus Christ—and all that will yet be manifest through time and eternity. Amen!”

Another favorite of mine is Isaiah 40:31 (NLT), “But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.”

And the last one I’ll write out: Hebrews 11:1-3, 6 (TPT), “Now faith brings our hopes into reality and becomes the foundation needed to acquire the things we long for. It is all the evidence required to prove what is still unseen. This testimony of faith is what previous generations were commended for. Faith empowers us to see that the universe was created and beautifully coordinated by the power of God’s words! He spoke and the invisible realm gave birth to all that is seen.

(v6) And without faith living within us it would be impossible to please God. For we come to God in faith knowing that he is real and that he rewards the faith of those who passionately seek him.”

B. Matthew 5 contains The Beatitudes and they make a great & easy way to start praying scripture.

Matthew 5:3-12 (NLT), “God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs. God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted. God blesses those who are humble, for they will inherit the whole earth. God blesses those who hunger and thirst for justice, for they will be satisfied. God blesses those who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy. God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God. God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God. God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs. God blesses you when people mock you and persecute you and lie about you and say all sorts of evil things against you because you are my followers. Be happy about it! Be very glad! For a great reward awaits you in heaven. And remember, the ancient prophets were persecuted in the same way.”

C. The book, Fervent, by Priscilla Shirer is a great option for specific prayer.

The subtext on the book cover even says, “A woman’s battle plan for serious, specific and strategic prayer.” Each chapter in the book talks about different areas and how to write out scripture prayers to pray for different things.

D. Friends.

I have a friend that is very good at writing scripture prayer. I had visited with her in late 2015 (after the dark period) and updated her on all that we had gone through and our current circumstances. She wrote out a prayer for me to pray for my babies. The prayer was loaded with scripture and self-declarations. And I remember I would stand in my living room and boldly recite that prayer almost every day! And then I took her prayer for me and I wrote a shorter, more specific pray to my unborn baby.

It doesn’t matter what your Promise is…God is always going to come through for you!!

As the song goes, God is the Waymaker. He is the Miracle Worker. He is the Promise Keeper. And He is the Light in the darkness.

There are days I feel every bit of 47! And as my husband noted about a month after our son was born, raising a baby is nothing like taking care of a dog!! Lol! (joke from Part 1)

It was never my plan to have a child this late in life, but it was my dream to have one. God chose the time.

He determined that my story would include a miracle baby at age 46.

He determined that my son would be born at this exact moment in time.

God plans everything to the finest detail. He is not wrong. He is not late.

Luke 1:37 says, “For the word of God will never fail.”

If He tells you He’ll do something, He will.

His timing is perfect. His plans are perfect. Your promise will be fulfilled at the exact time God has designed it to happen.

The fulfillment of your promise will be exceedingly abundantly BEYOND ALL you can ask or think because God will do exactly what He says he’ll do.

It will not return void and it will not expire.

Keep praying, speaking, and believing for the fulfillment of God’s promise to you.

Thank you for letting me share my breakout session with you about my personal journey of waiting on God’s promise to be fulfilled. I pray God spoke to you as you read Part 1 and Part 2. And I pray that if you are still waiting on the fulfilment of God’s promise to you, these words brought you hope and encouragement for your journey. If you would like a copy of the prayer my friend wrote for me, please message me or comment your email and I will gladly send it to you. If I can pray for you in any way, please let me know.

Waiting on the Promise (Part 1)

I’d like to share my breakout session with you as a two-part blog. Part 1 will be my personal journey and testimony of waiting on the fulfillment of God’s promise to me. And Part 2 will be some encouragement for those that are still waiting on your promise from God to be fulfilled.

Here is “Waiting on the Promise” Part 1…

God’s promises to us are different in so many ways yet are the same. There’s not a set time frame for one promise over another. Maybe you’re single and you’re waiting on God to bring you a husband; maybe you’re married and you’re waiting on God to bring you a baby. Maybe you’ve been saving awhile for God to bring you a new car or a new home. Maybe you’ve been working for a horrible boss or with co-workers you don’t like and you’re waiting on God to bring you a new job. Maybe you’re waiting on your treatment to finish for the “all clear” or waiting on a cure for something. Or maybe, you prayed Proverbs 22:6 over your children as they were growing up and now, you’re waiting for the promise of the prodigal child to turn to God and return home.

Whatever your promise is, God knows it. He hears you. He sees you. And as Romans 8:28 says it, “He’s working all things together for your good.”

I’d like you to find a piece of paper and at the top write this statement:

I am waiting on God’s promise of _____________ to be fulfilled.

Fill in the blank with the promise that you’re waiting on God to fulfill for you. As you read through my testimony and hopefully Part 2 of the blog, I hope you allow God to speak to you through this message and find comfort in knowing God has not forgotten about you or the promise you’re waiting on.

I want to start out by telling you a little bit about me and my story. This is something that I have walked through and have seen the fulfilment of God’s promise to me.

My promise was about having a baby and being a Mom.

Like many women, there’s always been a dream of growing up, getting married & having kids. My plan was to get married & have all my kids (3) by the time I turned 30. That way, I could live the rest of my days raising kids with my husband…the American Dream, right!?!

Well, as I’ve learned and I’m sure you have learned too, our plans are not always God’s plans. Those plans, or parts of them, may turn in to reality at some point, but not always the way we think or dream it to be.

My husband and I were in our late 20’s when we got married in 2003. We had dated for quite a while, so I was more than ready to get going on the family part. But my husband said we should own a dog for at least a year before having kids so we could learn to be responsible for something other than ourselves. So, in December 2004, we got Daisy.

Well, the year of owning a dog first came and went, as did life and everything else. So let’s fast forward to 2013.

We had finally decided to start trying to make a baby. I bought an ovulation kit to help make things easier and after only one month, we were pregnant! We were so excited!! It’d been almost 10 years since we got married and it was time to move forward.

I did a couple of home pregnancy tests and then went to the doctor for the actual confirmation. They said I was about 5 weeks, so they set an appointment for me to go back in a few weeks to hear the heartbeat. We called our families and told our friends. Everyone was so excited for us!

We went in at week 7 for the first ultrasound to see the baby and hear the heartbeat. We were disappointed that we didn’t hear the heartbeat. But friends told us not to worry as most people don’t hear the heartbeat until weeks 8-10. The doctor wanted us to come back the following week and try again so we did and had the same results. The doctor seemed more concerned this time and sent me to have some blood work done to check my HCG level. In her opinion, the pregnancy was likely a miscarriage because the baby hadn’t grown any since the previous week, but the blood test would tell us for sure.

The gravity of the whole experience hit us like a ton of bricks. To go from ecstatic to devastated in a matter of weeks was something we hadn’t experienced before.

The pregnancy ultimately ended in a miscarriage as the baby never grew past 7 weeks and 1 day. To say miscarriage is a hard thing to walk through would be putting it mildly. You can work through your pain and move forward, but it’s something that stays with you. I could be walking in a store and all of a sudden break down in tears. I would get embarrassed because I would just randomly start crying. But a dear friend told me that when I needed to cry, just cry.

About a month later, once everything was finished, I went back in for a checkup. My doctor wanted to send me to a fertility doctor, but we weren’t interested. According to my husband, we were still young enough to try again and didn’t need the expensive measures. We just needed time to grieve.

But by the end of 2013, we still weren’t pregnant again, so I decided to check with a fertility doctor. Although we had been praying and fasting for me to get pregnant again, I just wanted to make sure that everything was okay with me, and nothing was preventing the process. I went through a series of tests and appointments and then decided to have a procedure done just to make sure all was well. A few days before I was to have the procedure, I developed a blood clot in my right leg, which turned out to be a side effect of some of the medicine my doctor had prescribed. I was in the hospital for a few days to clear the blood clot. While I was there, my fertility doctor visited with me and told me we now had to refrain from trying to get pregnant for 6 months! I was really disappointed. It had already been more than a year since we had the miscarriage, and I still wasn’t pregnant. And now we would have to wait for SIX MONTHS before we could try again!?!

Well, that brings us to 2015. I was so excited and ready to go back to see the fertility doctor so we could start everything again. But, by the next appointment everything had changed. I was told I only had a 1% chance of conceiving a child naturally. What!?! The news completely devastated me! The one dream I had always wanted and pursued for so long was now shattered into a million pieces!

I’m not going to lie to you…this news was hard to hear and come to grips with. On top of all of that, our dog Daisy passed away. So now within a two-year time frame, we’d miscarried a baby, had a blood clot, lost our beloved dog, and told our chances of conceiving a baby were slim to none. This was too much! I felt like God had actually given me more than I could handle!

After this, I went into a dark period for a while. I was mad! I was angry! I was frustrated! I stopped praying. The time in my life when I needed God the most, I just stopped talking to Him altogether. I told myself there was no use in fasting or praying because it didn’t work. I had been praying and believing for a baby for so long and it didn’t get me anywhere but heartbroken!

With my frustration, I started withdrawing from a lot of things. I still went to church and put on my happy face, but I stood in the back with my arms crossed and refused to sing and worship. I truly didn’t see the point.

Then one day, a friend of mine asked me to lunch. I had thought about pouring out my heart to her, but I still wasn’t sure I was ready to be so vulnerable or even just to not be so mad. Do you know that God still loves us in our darkest places? And that even if we think we’re done with Him (even temporarily), He’s not done with us? Lunch with my friend that day turned my world around!

I had put myself on an island thinking I was the only person going through this. My husband knew how I was feeling; he was even experiencing some of the same feelings himself. But my friend was a blessing in disguise! We met for lunch and talked until dinner…literally!! =) I felt so much better after talking to her. I just needed to share my feelings and let go of the negative so that God could refresh me and move me forward.

Later that year we decided to get a second opinion from a different fertility doctor. We were given the same answer, but this time, we decided to talk about our options. We took some time discussing our options and figuring out where the money would come from. Once we got everything worked out, we set the plan in motion for early 2017.

But our plans were halted again when we realized the fertility office misquoted the amount of money that was due. Being that fertility treatments are horribly expensive, we only had half of what we needed to pay for everything. So, as we worked to figure out the rest of the money issue, I had another medical setback.

There’s a song that Lauren Daigle sings called “Trust in You”. The very first line of the song is:

Letting go of every single dream, I lay each one down at your feet…

This is what I had to do. I had to lay down my dream of having a baby at God’s feet. I finally realized that I was holding on so tight to my dream, that I wasn’t allowing God to freely move in my life and do what He needed to do. The chorus of the song says:

When you don’t move the mountains, I’m needing you to move

When you don’t part the waters, I wish I could walk through

When you don’t give the answers, as I cry out to you

I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in you.

And that’s exactly what I had to do! I had to put aside the money issues, the medical issues, the “Kara-get-out-of-the-way-and-let-God-move” issues and I had to TRUST HIM.

It’s amazing what can happen when we move out of the way and let God do what God does best…the impossible…the miracle work.

Now we’re in late 2019 and we’re ready to go. We’ve visited with the fertility office; we have the correct amount of funds, and everything is put into place to begin late February 2020. I was very excited, but also very nervous. There was still a quiet voice in the back of my mind saying, “What if…” But I was also too excited about the possibility of what was coming to give it a second thought!

I had a positive pregnancy test on March 19, 2020. We went to have the first check-up at 7 weeks. We were both nervous due to our last experience with a 7-week pregnancy, but God is so GOOD!! We heard the baby’s heartbeat, and it was good and strong!

And we heard his strong little heartbeat at every appointment up until the day he was born. We welcomed our baby, James Hyden, Jr to our family on November 24, 2020. He was born at 4:01am and was 8lbs, 8oz and 22” long. He was born the day before his due date! Ironically, the first time in my household that a Hyden man has actually been early for anything!! Lol!

Our long-awaited promise was fulfilled! If you count the time from when we first got married, we waited 17 years for Baby James. I look in his precious face every single day and just feel God’s blessings pouring over me. He is my rainbow after the storm.

But the fulfillment of promises doesn’t always take 17 years. Maybe it takes more; maybe it takes less. But when God gives you a promise, He will deliver it when He says it’s time. God’s timing is different from ours, but the promise will not expire, and it will not return void! God keeps His word to us…every time!

Thank you for reading my testimony! I hope it brings you encouragement to know that no matter how long you’ve been waiting, God’s miracles still happen every single day. Please come back next week for Part 2 as I share the second half of my breakout session for ways to keep your faith strong during the waiting process.

living by faith

Living out the life God gave me day by day

Category: God’s Promises

Goodness of God

I Am an Israelite

Waiting on the Promise (Part 2)

Waiting on the Promise (Part 1)

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