Over the past couple of days, I’ve come to the realization that I need to let some things…one thing…go.

There’s this dream I have.  I’ve had it for a very long time…probably since I was a young girl.  I’m still holding on to it and I do believe that one day it will happen.  But I’ve come to realize that this dream has started to suffocate me.  I’ve made this dream the very center of my being.  I’ve let it become the one thing I think about day in and day out.  The obsession I’ve cultivated for this dream has been causing me lots of mental anxiety and stress.  And I just don’t know if I can continue like this without a complete breakdown!

But I’ve also noticed that I’ve pulled away from God because of this dream obsession.  Don’t get me wrong, I still go to church and read the Word, but my heart just isn’t in it.  A couple of weeks ago, I stood at the back of the worship service.  I tried to sing, but I just couldn’t.  One of the lines of the song they were singing said, “Your love never fails.”  I started to sing it and then I stopped.  And I thought, “I know Your love never fails, but I just don’t believe it right now.  I don’t see You doing anything for me to prove that Your love never fails.  You’re not moving where I need You to move.  When I call out to You, there’s no answer.  Do You hear me?  Do You even see me, at all!?!” Very Christian of me, I know!!

So, I stood in the back, arms by my side, listening to the song and crying.  And then I stepped out and left the service. I’ve been told I can be a very stubborn person…and right now, with God, I truly believe it!

But being this stubborn with God hasn’t gotten me anywhere!  And the stubbornness is causing me the most stress because I just want to be angry with God. I want to be angry with Him because my dream hasn’t become a reality. The way I see it, people all around me are seeing their dreams fulfilled; people are receiving the dream I so desperately desire. And as I stand there and watch, I become angrier and more stubborn, because God isn’t answering MY dream!

But, I’m really not allowing Him to move or do anything for me either.  My eyes are completely blinded to ANYTHING He might be trying to do.

So the other night in my bible study class, we were watching a video.  I could really relate to this lady telling her story and the Lord allowed me to see a visual on this whole mess I’ve put myself into.  It’s like a rope or an object and I have my hand on it and I’m holding on really tight.  And by really tight, I mean white-knuckle-clenched-fist tight. And this is the conversation I had with God about my really tight grip:

God told me, “Let it go.”

And I said, “No! I can’t!  If I let go, my dream will go away!”

And God said, “Trust Me, Kara.”

And I replied, “I can’t.  If I don’t hold on, how do I know that it’ll happen? What if I never get it back?”

And God said, “I can’t move and do the things you want, until you ‘Let. Go.’”

And then I said, “I don’t know how.  I’ve been holding on tight for so long, I don’t know how to ‘let go.’”

And then God said, “It’s going to be okay. You can trust Me. My Word says that I will give you the desires of your heart. But I have to be able to move to do that and you have to let go, so that I can.”

Have you ever had to let go of something?  Of a dream?  Of something you’ve wanted for so long and didn’t think it was ever going to come?

That’s where I am right now…today…trying to “let go.”  And as I was getting ready this morning, I was thinking about that conversation with God and the visual He showed me.  Then a song came to my mind. A song with words that speak right to the heart of my situation and a gentle reminder of what God asked of me the other night.  The song is “Trust in You” by Lauren Daigle.

Letting go of every single dream

I lay each one down at your feet

Every moment of my wandering

Never changes what you see

I try to win this war I confess

My hands are weary, I need your rest

Mighty warrior, king of the fight

No matter what I face you’re by my side

When you don’t move the mountains

I’m needing you to move

When you don’t part the waters

I wish I could walk through

When you don’t give the answers

As I cry out to you

I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in you

Truth is you know what tomorrow brings

There’s not a day ahead you have not seen

So let all things be my life and breath

I want what you want Lord and nothing less

When you don’t move the mountains

I’m needing you to move

When you don’t part the waters

I wish I could walk through

When you don’t give the answers

As I cry out to you

I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in you

I will trust in you

You are my strength and comfort

You are my steady hand

You are my firm foundation

The rock on which I stand

Your ways are always higher

Your plans are always good

There’s not a place where I’ll go

You’ve not already been

When you don’t move the mountains

I’m needing you to move

When you don’t part the waters

I wish I could walk through

When you don’t give the answers

As I cry out to you

I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in you

I will trust in you

I will trust in you

I will trust in you

I’m visualizing loosening my grip and letting the color come back to my hand. I’m trying to remember what it means to trust God and how freeing it feels when I let Him move and do what only He can do.  I’ve done it before; it just seemed easier before…or at least it feels that way now, that it was easier to trust Him in the past.

I need to let go.  I will let go.  And I will put my trust back in God.  The only One that can make ALL my dreams come true!

Psalm 37:4 (NLT) “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires.”

Psalm 18:30 (NKJV) “As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him.”