As 2013 comes to a close, I wanted to say a final good-bye to close out the year. It’s been an interesting year, but one with more heartbreak than I’ve ever experienced before.
The year began like any other, then a couple of months in, we received the most joyous news. Our dream of becoming parents was finally coming true! All the hours we’d spent on planning, discussing baby décor, names and the number of kids we wanted to have, we were finally on our way to having our very own family. The discussions on room décor were starting to take shape as we decided you were a boy as we had long prayed you’d be.
Sadly, the joyous time was short-lived, as our happiness turned to heartbreak. You were gone in the blink of an eye. The excitement and joy we had over you in one breath, was quickly gone in the next. I imagined you would’ve been as handsome as your dad, with his dark hair and shining green eyes. I guess when the time comes for us to see you again, I can see how close I was to my vivid imagination.
I thought of you a lot since that time. You would’ve been born at the end of October, so you would’ve had your first Christmas this year. I imagined I would’ve had a lot of fun shopping for you on Black Friday with my mom and sister, the way we shop for my nieces every year. I imagine your dad would’ve gone with us…mostly because he’s just a big kid version of you anyway! I imagine all the toys I would’ve had to put back on the shelf, telling your dad that we’re not made of money and that you’re too young for most of the toys anyway! But it would’ve been fun.
I imagined you at Christmas when I was decorating the tree. You would’ve had your first ornament on the tree…Baby’s 1st Christmas. You would’ve had the cutest Christmas outfits and I’m sure sweater vests because that’s what your dad likes. I imagined placing you in Santa’s arms at the mall for your first-ever picture with Santa. Unlike your cousin who didn’t care much for Santa this year, I imagined that you would’ve just lain quietly in his arms as if you were lying in the arms of Jesus. You would’ve had your first trip to Santa Land and the beginning of many other traditions I’m anxious to start with our family.
It was a different kind of year, thinking of what could’ve been that never was. Your dad and I miss you dearly and we will always love you. I just wanted you to know that you’re not forgotten. You’ll always be in our thoughts and memories, but above all else, you’ll always be in our hearts!
As I was reading in my quiet time this morning, I came across this scripture. I’ve had this particular scripture highlighted in my Bible for awhile. This has always stuck with me as a true representation of who we really are.
living by faith 