Tag: Mother’s Day

My First Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day was a few weeks ago.  And for me, it was my very first Mother’s Day. It should’ve been my eighth, but it was my first.

You see, back in 2013, I would’ve celebrated my first mom-to-be Mother’s Day, but that dream was very short-lived.  In March, we had reason to celebrate that it would be a great year. But by April, we were wiping away our own tears and not in a celebratory mood. Our baby at the time didn’t survive past seven weeks.  Mother’s Day that year was just a mix of sadness, tears and broken hearts.

The next several years were mixed with waiting and trying and waiting and trying and waiting.  Lots and lots of waiting and lots and lots of praying.

Then in early 2020, before the world shutdown, we found out we were pregnant! You’d think it would be hard to be pregnant in such an environment as 2020, but it really wasn’t. I got to be at home most of my pregnancy, resting and relaxing and getting ready for our sweet boy’s arrival.  I know 2020 holds a lot of bad memories for people. But for us, 2020 was the year our dream came true; the year our prayers were answered; the year we brought home our son.

For Mother’s Day, my husband made sure it was extra special since it was the first one we got to celebrate.  He sent me flowers and showered me with sentimental gifts, all of which I love and wear proudly. But for me, the best part about Mother’s Day was introducing my son to his great-grandmother for the first time, face-to-face. You see, my grandmother has been in a nursing home for the past few years.  And with 2020, I had to tell her about my pregnancy through a glass door; we didn’t get to celebrate at all.  So, seeing her this weekend in person for the first time in over a year and introducing her to her newest great grandbaby was the highlight of my whole day! It was a beautiful day, and I will hold all the memories close to my heart for many years to come. For the women still waiting for your little miracle, keep praying and believing! I know the words fall short, because they always did for me on this day every year but do it anyway. My heart breaks with yours because I’ve been there. But I believe that one day soon, you’ll see your prayers answered, too!

My 1st Mother’s Day with my son, James
My grandmother meeting my son for the first time, face-to-face

Mother’s Day

Seeing that the day has already passed, it seems a little late to be writing a blog on Mother’s Day. However, not knowing exactly how I was going to get through this day this year, I thought it best to wait and write about it afterwards, which brings me to right now.

In the last few years, I never ever looked forward to Mother’s Day. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother and to have a special day to honor her is always nice. But for me, personally, it wasn’t a day I ever looked forward to.

As I’ve gotten older and my desire to have children and be a mom has increased, seeing a day that is designated to celebrate Mom’s just made me sad for something I didn’t already have.

This year was going to be different. When I found out in late February that I was pregnant, I was so excited that I was finally going to get to celebrate Mother’s Day. I would be about 15-16 weeks when the date rolled around. But as I soon learned, it wasn’t going to happen quite as I had originally envisioned. As many of you know, we had a miscarriage in April and lost our baby at 7 weeks and 1 day.

Up until the actual holiday day, I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to handle it. I found myself to be quite emotional in the days leading up to Mother’s Day. Just the thought of the day or the mention of the day would send me into uncontrollable tears. But, as I am still in mourning over our loss, it’s okay that I cry.

Every Mother’s Day in church, they always have all the moms stand to be recognized, to be prayed over or to be given flowers. When I arrived, I still hadn’t decided how I was going to react and if I was going to stand with the rest of the moms.

But then I realized something, that although my child isn’t physically present with me, it doesn’t diminish the truth that God did bless me and my husband with a child earlier this year. It doesn’t diminish the truth that we are still parents, even though our child is already in heaven. I have nothing to be ashamed of to stand proudly with the other moms and celebrate this day.

So I stood with the rest of them and accepted the prayer that was spoken over all the moms. Then our Pastor’s wife spoke about our sphere of influence. She told us that whether we have children or not, we are all aunts, sisters, leaders and friends. She said we need to look around us to those that we’re around at work, at home, at school, at church or wherever we may be and be a strong influence for those we encounter; to guide those around us, to show them God’s way and to be a light to the dark places around us.

I know that God is going to bless us with children again, when His timing is right. Until then, I’m going to take this lesson and do my best to influence those around me in a positive way. As a wise friend recently told me, I’m also going to let God be in the driver’s seat and give Him complete control over my life. By doing that, I can sit back and enjoy the ride!